Arrange Marriage Vs. Love Marriage

" You don’t marry one person; you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are and the person they are going to become as the result of being.  – Richard J. Needham "

Is love marriage better? Do arranged marriage last longer? The debate never comes to a full stop.  Marriage is a formal union between a man and a woman as recognized by law, in which they become husband and wife. It is the most beautiful relationship that happens to almost everyone at some point of time. But sometimes it turns to a nightmare, making it the worst relationship ever. I remember an incident during my internship. Two Indian old ladies were having their morning chit chat. One of them was complaining about her husband until a point where she said, “Love marriage is always the best, I regret of this arranged marriage”. Another lady seemed to agree on that.

The society distinguish marriage to two types: arranged marriage and love marriage. Arranged marriage are roughly practiced in countries like India, Pakistan and China. It means decisions relating to marriage are taken by elders of the respective family. Contrary, love marriage is more of a western culture that is now acceptable in the modern generation regardless of the countries. It offers the opportunity to choose the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. So, which one is better? Defenders of arranged marriage argue that “love matches start out hot and grow cold, while arranged marriage start out cold and grow hot.” Any defenders of love marriage to against it? This might results in World War III.

In the past, there was a research done by Robert Blood on “love matches and arrange marriages in Tokyo”. The research shows that in long-term, both types of marriages move downward, towards less expression of love and lower marriage satisfaction. Blood also reveals that for arranged marriage, the husbands experienced more love feelings but the trend was the opposite for the wives, with woman were more dissatisfied and having fewer love feelings than from love marriage. So, I think women should marry the men they love even though it is just one-side love and vice versa for the men. Interesting!

Back to the question, which one is better? For me, it is just a question in minds of married couples who are not satisfied or are scared to start their life with a stranger. We are aware of the fact that life is not a bed of roses. Things do not happen smoothly as we expect them to. Surviving an arranged marriage is of course tougher as in love marriage, two individuals can simply tackle their tough times because they are well aware of the qualities and drawbacks of each other whereas this advantage is missing in arranged marriage. On the other hand, two unknown individuals that were tied together in an arranged marriage will have no expectations from each other. They tend to accept each other as they are. How about love marriage? There are higher expectations from both sides and when these are not met, I’m pretty sure that you knew what will happen.

To wrap up all the things above, there are no rules for a 100% successful marriage. Marriage is like two sides of a coin which comes with advantages and disadvantages. These are not about the marriage types but the partners. It requires trust and commitment which are essential for a relationship to work out. Stop comparing and search for new ways to improve relationship with your spouse. I end this with a new genre of marriage: love cum arranged marriage, the perfect blend!